I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way…
(Johnny Nash)

Back on April 18th, when I was traveling home from the Grays Harbor College interview, while I was on I-205 just north of the Oregon border, a rock violently hit my windshield and chipped it. A couple of weeks later, when I was at my neighborhood gas station, I spent a few minutes at their little “rock-chip repair” station. I’d done this before and the results had been really dramatic. For a few minutes of time, and a call to the insurance company, the rock-chip damage magically became much less noticeable. Well, this time, instead of “healing” the chipped glass, the repair attempt led to a very large crack in my windshield. It was obvious that it was time to get the whole thing replaced. Happily I have great insurance, -$0- deductible on my comprehensive coverage, so my windshield was totally swapped-out for free a few days ago. The glass company even came to the college parking lot and replaced it while I was at work. Pretty slick.

It’s amazing, really. Every day since then has rather been like I’ve just had a car wash. I can see so much better out of this new glass, it’s unbelievable. The old windshield had been chipped and damaged over the last few years, and I guess I didn’t realize how bad it was. I drive down the road and I am able to see everything so much more clearly now.

It’s a lot like my life at the current time, where I believe I am getting a fresh perspective on several elements of my current existence.

For example, I see clearly that:

♥ My health has suffered under the duress of my current work environment. I desperately need time to heal, rest, recharge and recuperate.

♥ I need to take care of my body and soul. This has to be THE priority of my life.

♥ Unemployment wouldn’t be all that bad…well, for a little while at least. I have not really had a break for ages, and even the vacation time I had last summer was quite stress-filled. I would love some time to sit by the pool, walk in the sunshine, read novels, produce some great photographs, and write.

♥ Leaving “my people” behind will be difficult. I have made some significant attachments during the last two years, and now I’ll be going. I am really, really inept at goodbyes, but I will try and do them as gracefully as I possibly can. I know that “love” is a strong word, but there are some of these folks that I have come to love that I must now leave.

♥ As much as I’ve been resisting change, here it comes. I need to embrace it. I have started to do just that by taking a few substantive actions: I have given notice on my house; I have filed for unemployment; I have decided to live in Eugene if I need to be unemployed for a while; and, as a symbol of this new life I am about to start, I even cut my hair. (Way short. My first hairstyle change since 1977.)

♥ As much as I am called to do the work of academic administration, Oregon may not be the place to continue to do this. Or, as much skill and experience as I bring to such work, there are other endeavors that probably suit me as well. [I doubt if I could make a living as an artist at this stage of my life (and I do still have to make a living), but I need to remain unattached as to the outcome of this particular transition.]

♥ I need to soak up the emotional support that I’ve been receiving lately, which has been totally delicious. There are lots of folks in my camp right now, on my side, checking in, expressing their concern and emotional support.

♥ I need to keep breathing and asking the universe: “what’s next?”

It is pretty great to have a new windshield for my life as well!

Soundtrack Suggestion…

She asks me why
I’m just a hairy guy
I’m hairy noon and night
Hair that’s a fright
I’m hairy high and low
Don’t ask me why
Don’t know
It’s not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair…

(“Hair” – The Cowsills)

Issues & Challenges

I went for another job interview today. (Now there’s news!) The location happened to be in the greater metro area, but really, it could have been anyplace. It was a scheduled one-hour session with a screening committee, for a vice presidency position at a community college.

I showed up early to the Human Resources office, only to be informed that the interview was actually located in a totally different part of campus (driving distance away). After attempting to give me directions (although early to show up at HR, I was now going to be late for the interview), one staff member agreed to ride with me and show me where the committee was meeting.

The chair of the committee was standing in the hallway: waiting not only for me, but for a committee member who had disappeared. After a few minutes he announced we were ready. He led me into the room, and I found the “hot seat” easily. Everyone said their name and area, and the chair immediately said “[some name] has the first question” – and she proceeded to read it. No putting the candidate at ease, no explanation of the process, no nothing. Just boom: the first question.

Now, I had spent some serious time today researching this place. They have problems. The faculty in the last week voted “no confidence” in the president. A consulting firm has been doing survey and interview work on campus to prepare a status report for the Board, to be delivered on June 26th. The local newspaper has reported that a very long list of high-level administrators (the names were given, and I know some of them) have left since this president has taken over. A recent editorial identifies him as “controlling, egocentric, power hungry and suspicious.”

OK: so the first question was something about “issues and challenges of faculty.” (Note: they just jumped right into content, there was no obvious question on the list of fifteen actually designed to solicit information about me. It appeared that they had structured quite an academic exercise.) I started by saying that I had hoped to have a dialog with them today. Given the question about “issues and challenges,” I said that I knew the college had them, but I wanted to have a discussion about what was going on there on campus. I stated that I believed they might learn a little bit about what I know in this rigid question/answer format, but not who I am and what I could bring to the college during these troubled times. I was interrupted and informed that they had a process to follow. I said that given the current issues and challenges of the college, I had at least an hour’s worth of questions of them. I was informed that we had 50 minutes total.

I respectfully withdrew my candidacy and drove home.

Launch Time

One of my favorite people of all time graduates from Linfield College on Sunday. Ryan: congratulations!

I know that he takes his diploma in hand with no job to go to. But he’s an incredibly talented and personable young guy, so I’m sure that the world is going to be totally his at some point.

Ryan and I are both launching out there into the unknown at the same time, not knowing where we’re going to land. I’ve been at a community college these last two years, so maybe it’s only fitting that I’m graduating after my sophomore year. For me, this transition does feel like a commencement, of sorts.

What does the universe have in store for me now?

I don’t know. It’s why I keep getting up every morning…you can never tell what’s going to happen next!

Soundtrack Suggestion:

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everything’s better, everything’s safe

Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone

And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said we’d send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed they’ already forgotten we’d came

Now we’re back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don’t know you
And trust is a joke
We don’t even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

(“Walk On The Ocean” – Toad the Wet Sprocket)

And I Say It's All Right

How do I best say goodbye?

This is the question that tumbles around in my brain as I prepare to convene the faculty and staff of the Science & Technology Division one last time.

Tomorrow afternoon I will gather the group together, do the routine business, then have a little chat with them all about my imminent departure.

I started to get to know everybody on the morning of September 15, 2004, during the first Division meeting I led. During my “introductory message” (that’s what I had listed on the agenda for the meeting), I pretty much gave them the Reader’s Digest version of my biography and how it was that I came to be standing in front of the room that day. I outlined the long and winding road of my life’s path, and I hope it made some sense how a person (me) could have earned degrees in chemistry, counseling, and higher education administration. And, how (weirdly) I had also worked a few years as a professional photographer.

I was hopeful, too, that maybe, just maybe, I was able to communicate that I had enough training, skills and experience to lead this large academic unit (even though I had never done the job before).

At any rate, I wanted to get to know them, starting by having them know me. My initial goal was to build relationships and trust.

Although I have had some up and down times here, my assessment is that I have led the division well. Certainly, last year at this time, when administrator evaluation forms were completed and then tabulated by our research office, just about everybody agreed that I was doing ok. In fact, many were downright enthusiastic about my efforts. I was humbled. Honored. Touched.

So, the time has come to publicly acknowledge that I will be moving on. It will be particularly difficult for me to report, since I don't know where I’ll be moving to. I had been hoping that my departure would be under different circumstances: maybe that I’d taken a position as a vice president someplace. Ah, but such is not the case.

It’s looking increasingly likely that I’ll be unemployed for a time...a state of affairs I had really wanted to avoid!

Maybe I’ll be able to share some more of my personal story. Or maybe not. I don’t know how choked up I might get. Let’s see what happens tomorrow...

Soundtrack Suggestion…

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it’s all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it’s all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right
It’s all right

(“Here Comes the Sun” – George Harrison)

Is This A Test?

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t. (Richard Bach)

Yes, my mission continues, although, at this point, with the most recent developments in my life, I really don’t have a clue what it is.

I’m set to wondering what will come next.

I earned my Ph.D. in higher education administration in 1995 and, upon completion of the degree, I found a position with the Chancellor’s Office of the Oregon University System in Eugene. This allowed me to return to a state, people, and geography that I had grown to love during a previous twenty-year stay, having lived in Corvallis from 1970 to 1990.

But being an educator in Oregon is not without its stresses. I was able to string together nine successive one-year contracts, serving the universities and the community colleges through my work with OUS, but, really, honestly, didn’t ever feel very secure during that time. Little things like bills being introduced in the legislature proposing to do away with your entire agency tends to motivate certain behaviors, such as reaching for the Excedrin bottle. And, voter, legislative, and gubernatorial support for the education sectors in the state has been woefully inadequate, especially since 1990’s Measure 5 was passed. Ultimately, my position with OUS was eliminated.

Now, my two-year stint at a community college is ending.

Will I ever again be able to find a community college or university position here? I don’t really know. Will one of my applications for a position in another state ultimately yield an offer? Again, who’s to say.

At this point, it looks like the unemployment line is beckoning.

Soundtrack Suggestion…

Once I lived the life of a millionaire,
Spent all my money, I just did not care.
Took all my friends out for a good time,
Bought bootleg whisky, champagne and wine.

Then I began to fall so low,
Lost all my good friends, I did not have nowhere to go.
I get my hands on a dollar again,
I’m gonna hang on to it till that eagle grins.

’Cause no, no, nobody knows you
When you’re down and out.
In your pocket, not one penny,
And as for friends, you don’t have any.

When you finally get back up on your feet again,
Everybody wants to be your old long-lost friend.
Said it’s mighty strange, without a doubt,
Nobody knows you when you’re down and out.

When you finally get back upon your feet again,
Everybody wants to be your good old long-lost friend.
Said it’s mighty strange,
Nobody knows you,
Nobody knows you,
Nobody knows you when you’re down and out.

(“Nobody knows you when you’re down and out” – Jimmy Cox)

All The News That's Fit

Well, the news I had been expecting came my way this morning. I am being terminated from my current position at the college; the official end-date is June 30th, but with the understanding that I will be gone from campus sometime well ahead of that (working on one last special project, off-site). I’ll likely have more to say about this later. (how’s that for understatement?)

Soundtrack Suggestion:

Well, baby use to stay out all night long
She made me cry, she done me wrong
She hurt my eyes open, that’s no lie
Tables turning, now her turn to cry

Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now
Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she used to run around with ev’ry man in town
Spent all my money playing a high class game
She put me out, it was a pity how I cried
The tables turning now, her turn to cry

Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now
Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, I used to wake ’the morning, get my breakfast in bed
When I gotten worried she could ease my aching head
But now she’s here and there with every man in town
Still trying to take me for that same old clown

Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now
Because I used to love her, but it’s all over now

(“It’s All Over Now” – Rolling Stones)

White House Correspondents' Dinner

Oh! – how I wish I had written and delivered the Stephen Colbert speech of last weekend.

What wit! What satire! What balls!

If you haven’t yet had the chance, check out the video online!

Friday Friends

Back Row: Valory Thatcher, Rachelle Ham, Melissa Gonzales McNeal, Chris Dobson

Front Row: Jack Brook, Todd Hanna, Joseph McNeal, Tom Worcester

© 2006 Jim Arnold, Portland, OR

Here is the group I went out to lunch with yesterday: some of my favorite folks from the college. As much energy as I am expending, putting it all out there to the universe trying to escape the place, when I finally do take leave, there will be the pain of loss involved. I’ve become quite attached to these (and many others), so leaving them behind will be extremely difficult.

Soundtrack Suggestion…

You say yes, I say no.
You say stop and I say go go go, oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

(“Hello, Goodbye” – Lennon/McCartney)

May 4th

On April 30, 1970, President Richard Nixon announced to a national television audience that he was ordering troops into Cambodia. Although the stated purpose of this so-called “incursion” was to hasten an end to the ongoing slaughter in Vietnam, many Americans, myself included, thought this a wholly-unwarranted expansion of the war effort.

I was in the last semester of my undergraduate college days at this time: politically-active and fervently anti-war. I had received a draft notice in June of 1969 and spent 22 days in the Air Force until a chronic knee condition led to a medical discharge. Although I was (because of my discharge) no longer at risk of losing my life to this insane war, I had spent four long college years with the specter of the miltary draft – and the prospect of a gruesome, lonely death in a jungle a million miles away from home. For me, the war was personal.

Richard Nixon had been elected, at least in part, on the basis of his “secret plan” to end the war. Yet, here he was, less than two years later, ordering an obvious escalation.

I was pissed. I remember spending the remainder of the evening after Nixon’s speech composing a letter to the editor of my local newspaper. My writing skills were not too finely developed then and my letter was not the most eloquent piece of prose. But what I lacked in style, I hope I made up for in passion: Nixon was wrong. He was a madman. He had to go. The war must end.

Many, many people agreed with me. Unrest on the nation’s campuses, especially, took a dramatic turn. On May 4, 1970, my letter was published in the Eau Claire (WI) Leader-Telegram, the same day that four full-time college students (Allison Krause, Jeffrey Miller, Sandra Scheuer and William Schroeder) at Kent State University were gunned down by Ohio National Guard troops on their own campus. Another nine students (Joseph Lewis, John Cleary, Thomas Grace, Robbie Stamps, Donald Scott MacKenzie, Alan Canfora, Douglas Wrentmore, James Russell and Dean Kahler) were wounded; one was paralyzed for life, others seriously maimed.

The students of the University of Wisconsin - Eau Claire, in the days immediately following the Kent State massacre, rallied. I, for one, picketed the Science building where I had spent the majority of my time as a chemistry major. On May 8th we held a campus-wide protest, gathering on the lawn right outside the student union building. And we planted four trees in memory of the dead in Ohio. The plaque from that memorial service is still there today, as are three of the four original trees.

© 2005 Jim Arnold, Portland, OR

May 4, 1970, was thirty-six years ago. On this day, today, let us not forget the madness that can afflict us as a nation.

Let us also not forget that we always have a voice. Let’s remember that protest can lead to change. We must know that when we perceive injustice in the world, we can stand, march, shout and be heard. We can make a difference.

Thought for the day: We have the ability to put an end to the killing. All it takes is the will.

Soundtrack Suggestion:

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We’re finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are gunning us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are gunning us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We’re finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

(“Ohio” – Neil Young)

Oh Distinguished Ones

“Todd Hanna & Tom Worcester”

May 3, 2006
© 2006 Jim Arnold, Portland, OR

Today was the day at the College that the Distinguished Teaching Awards were announced. As it turns out, all three this year were from the Science & Technology Division – and all three within the Life Sciences Department! The winners were Todd Hanna, Fisheries Instructor (pictured above on the left); Jack Brook, Biology Instructor; and Melissa Gonzales McNeal, Anatomy & Physiology Instructor. I am so proud of my faculty members: they are an incredible bunch to be associated with!